


Please tell me you’re kidding

by Zoya113



Category: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: A bit crack tbh, F/M, Gen, M/M, based off that episode of the office, just a bit of a humour filler piece
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-19 03:18:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20650334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoya113/pseuds/Zoya113
Summary: Ted hooks up with Emma’s Professor and now they’re going out.Emma is beyond pissed at the idea Ted may one day possibly be her other dad





	Please tell me you’re kidding

**Author's Note:**

> Based off that one episode of the office, I’m pretty neutral on Tedgens so this is more paulkins focused

“Got a date at Emma’s party the other week,” Ted brought up over the break room table rather nonchalantly. 

“Oh, really?” Paul lowered his fork from his lips mid bite, swallowing in a rush and wiping his hand across his lips. “Who?” In no ideal world was Ted’s partner one of Paul’s friends. 

“The tall guy.” Ted wore a bragging smile. 

“Which tall guy?” Paul leant forward, cutting off Ted’s snicker. “Who?” 

“The professor.” 

“You did not,” Paul forgot about his lunch entirely. 

“No, I did. We went on a date last night, it’s our third.” Ted hadn’t even bothered to make eye contact.

“Prove it. What’s he like?” 

“Professor Hidgens, really into musical theatre. Teaches Biology at the community college.” He gestured with his mug vaguely in the direction of the college.

Paul leant back in his chair, rolling his head back as if he had given up. “Ah fuck.”

“What? I though you’d be happy for me!” Ted scowled. 

“The professor? Why would I be happy you’re dating the professor? Professor Henry Hidgens, Emma’s adopted dad?” 

He let out a small laugh at first, almost in disbelief. “Emma’s dad?” 

“Yeah,” Paul gave a sarcastic nod. “You can’t date Hidgens! Listen, you can’t tell Emma okay? She’s dropping off coffee so just don’t say anything!” 

Ted took a long sip from his water bottle. “Paul. C’mon. This wouldn’t like, c’mon. She’s like adopted. It doesn’t count right?” 

Paul’s eyes darted to the side and he pressed one finger to his lips. “Shut up! She’s here!” 

“Hey guys, coffee,” she kicked open the break room door as she entered, setting down the coffees in her hands onto the table.

“Thanks babe,” Paul rubbed his forehead, flashing her an anxious smile and taking a sip to hide his shivers. 

“What’s this bastard looking so happy for?” She shot him a look, a teasing smile on her face. 

Ted glanced at Paul for cover but Paul couldn’t say anything. 

“Guys?” Emma’s smile began to faulted as she was left in silence. “What’s going on?”

“I got a boyfriend,” Ted admitted vaguely. 

“Oh that’s great, lucky idiot, who is it? Do I know them?” 

Ted’s eyes rolled to the side. “Yeah, sure.”   
Emma glanced over her shoulder curiously, hunching her back and leaning down to be closer to Ted. “Who is it? Someone in the office? What’s the gossip man?” She gave him a friendly elbow to the shoulder. 

“Em, babe, maybe you should just drop it,” Paul suggested. 

“Where did you meet them?” Emma pressed, pulling out a seat and leaning further in. “Ted?”

Ted’s eyes averted to the side and he leant back in his chair to regain some distance from Emma, who had leant in very close. “Met him at your party last week.” 

Paul glared at him across the table, gesturing for him to be quiet. 

“At my party?” Emma’s mood dropped noticeably. “Ted,” she took in a deep breath. “Besides yourself,” she planted one hand in front of him on the table. “My boyfriend,” then she pressed one hand to Paul’s chest. She could probably feel how fast his heart was racing. “The only other two people there were Bill, yes?” She nodded at him, making unbroken eye contact. “And Professor Hidgens. Right? Ted, you’re joking with me right?” 

Ted’s smile cracked and widened while Emma’s almost vanished. 

Only a hopefully, tiny smile remained on her face. “Ted, you’re joking right?” 

He bit his lips to stop his smile widening.  
“It’s Henry,” Ted grinned. 

Emma’s jaw dropped and her eyes went wide. “No. No it’s not.” 

“Yes it is,” he ran a hand through his hair. 

“Em, Em, babe. Let’s just- Ted’s joking around, we’ll just-“ he stuck out hand out between Emma and Ted in case she decided to lash out.

But instead she rose from her chair and backed up. “Ted! You’re fucking with me! You’re fucking with me Ted! Say you’re joking. You are not dating my dad!” 

Before Ted or Paul could get another word in Emma let out a frustrated scream and pushed her way out of the break room. 

“Aw shit Ted, you couldn’t keep a straight face?” Paul took from his seat to follow after her and Ted followed closely behind. 

They caught her by Melissa’s desk. She was having a very heated argument on her end, but Melissa didn’t quite understand and didn’t have much input to offer.

“I’m not overreacting! What if Ted was dating your dad Melissa?!” 

“Uh, I don’t understand!” Melissa looked over with relief as Paul approached and placed his hands protectively around Emma’s shoulders.

“Sorry, she’s- ugh. It’s not a good day for her!” He pulled his hands back before Emma could push them off as Ted approached. “Em, get back here!”

Emma let out another frustrated shout as she hurried out of the office. 

“What’s going on?” Melissa whispered.   
“Ted’s gone on a date with someone Emma knows. She’s pissed,” Paul quickly explained before attempting to follow her.

“Man,” Ted placed a hand on Paul’s shoulder. “Give her a second to breath, she’ll come around and understand eventually!”

Paul held his hands frantically to the side of his head. “You don’t know Emma! She doesn’t breath when she’s mad! She’ll be pissed forever!” 

“Well Ted following her doesn’t seem to be doing any favours!” Melissa stood up, crossing her arms. “Ted. You stay here. I’ll ring Emma and see how she’s doing.”

“No time! That girl moves fast for someone with a bad leg. I’ve got to go!” Paul side stepped Melissa to get out the door as the secretary tried futilely to stop Ted’s pursuit. 

“Em!” He found her tucked up in a chair at Beanies by the counter with her phone pressed tightly to her ear. 

“I’m still on break!” She snapped, assuming it was a co worker calling for her. She looked up with teary eyes when she noticed it was Paul. She turned away with a grimace and pressed her phone tighter to her ear. 

“No, it’s just Paul,” she spoke into the phone. “I’m just pissed, Hidgens! I complain about Ted all the time and now you’re- ugh!” 

Paul awkwardly pulled up a seat besides her table. “Rough, huh?” 

“Shut it Paul,” she snapped. “No, Hidgens, I’m not talking to you I’m talking to Paul! But you should shut up too, it isn’t fair!” 

Paul slid a hand across the table and Emma held onto it begrudgingly. 

“When you said we couldn’t hang out tonight I thought you were just busy! Not because you were going out with my boyfriends asshole coworker! No, I’m not being dramatic. You aren’t being dramatic enough for once!” She hung up and clapped her phone to the table. Her face was red and tear stained and she withdrew her hand from Paul to cross her arms. 

“Sometimes these things happen, right?” Paul offered hopefully. 

“No! No this doesn’t happen! Has this ever happened to anyone you know?” 

Paul hesitantly shook his head. 

“See! Ugh! I hate Ted! I hate Hidgens!”

“You don’t hate Hidgens, don’t say that.” 

“Well I hate Ted,” she growled. “I’ll make up with Hidgens tomorrow but I’m allowed to be mad at him right now.” 

“Nope. Not right now. Breaks over, hun.” Zoey, who seemed to have been evesdropping in on the conversation had leant over the counter to pat Emma on the shoulder. 

Emma grimaced before wiping her eyes and snatching her apron off the table. 

“I’m off for lunch. See you in twenty,” Zoey left without a second thought. 

“Are you going to stay here?” 

“I can keep you company for a bit if you need.” 

“Yes please.” Emma busied her hands with pouring him a coffee and they sat in silence until the bell above the door rang. 

“Really Ted!” Paul huffed. “You’re following me?” 

“I’m not following you!” Ted crossed his arms. “I’m here to speak to Emma!” 

Emma rolled her eyes and let out a dry laugh. “Well it better be to apologise!” 

“No, look. You really hurt Henry’s feelings when you spoke to him like that!” 

Emma’s mouth hung open. “Well I figured.”

“And you can’t talk to him that way. It’s inappropriate.” 

“Who’re you to be telling me what to do!” She slammed a pitcher down on the bench. “Get out of my cafe, Ted!” 

“Hey!” He pointed an angry finger at her. “You can’t talk to me that way either!” 

“Yeah? Why not?” She was fuming. Her was was red and she looked like she was about to cry again. 

“Because!” He started strong, his voice almost booming. “Because one day I might be your other father so you’d better start showing me some respect, lady!” 

A wave of emotions passed through Emma’s face in a very short period of time and her only response was to let out a loud, equally surprised as angry groan before she went pale. “You will never be my dad!” She spat. “What sort of bullshit are the gods pulling on me today!?” She held her hands open to the sky. 

“Ted, it’s like you’re rubbing it in! Can you just leave her alone?” 

“Only once she apologises to Henry!” 

Emma stuck out her tongue and turned her back to him. “I’ll do that tomorrow! You aren’t my dad!”

“Yet!” Ted interrupted. 

“So piss off and get out of here!” 

Paul had to usher Ted out, he seemed deadset on arguing more with Emma but eventually decided to leave after only a minor bit of violence on Paul’s behalf. 

Emma pulled at the ties of her apron to tighten it around her neck until Paul got her to stop. 

“We’ll go see Hidgens’ tomorrow,” he offered. “Don’t panic now,” he tried to give her his most calming smile. “Ted’s the same as always, he’ll date him for a while and then he’ll probably get bored and dump him and try someone new.”

“And then I’ll beat him up for breaking the professor’s heart,” Emma mumbled.

“Yeah babe, I’ll beat him up too.” 

Emma’s lip curled up in a snarl but she was losing traction with her anger now. She pressed her fingertips up against the hot pitcher of coffee until they burned and she had to recoil. “I’m pissed.” 

“I know babe.” 

“I’m really tired from all the running and screaming and crying.” She slumped as she spoke, calming down as her body ran out of any energy it had left. 

“I know, babe.” He took her hands in his so she would stop fidgeting.

“And I’m really mad that Ted could be my dad.” 

“Yeah, that’s rough.”

“Fucking gross.”


End file.
